Coveting or Content?

This is a hard one for me to write, but I think it needs to be said. I haven't always been content. It's been a struggle for me in a really big way. I didn't even realize how discontent I actually was until just a couple months ago.

We've all heard the word covet. To covet something means 'to yearn to possess to have something.' If we're being honest with ourselves, we've all been there. We've all wanted something that we didn't have. Something that wasn't ours or belonged to someone else. Something that we probably could have, but it might require us making some changes.

When we covet or yearn for something, it's really that we're refusing to be content with what we do have. [Thank you for those wise words Pastor Travis!] I didn't realize it, but I was coveting every single day. It had taken over so much of me and my time and I didn't even realize it. I was refusing to be content with what I have.

What I do have is a warm, safe & secure home in a quiet and safe neighborhood. I have a huge yard, woods for my kids to run around and play in and many helpful and friendly neighbors who live very close. I have a paved loop where I can walk, run or my kids can ride bikes around. I have a deck I can sit and drink coffee on. I have a patio that I can walk out onto and grill, eat a meal or host a party. I have a living room big enough to seat a dozen people [tightly!] and I have a large playroom we can pile a bunch of kids into. I have enough space in the bedrooms that my three kids sleep completely and quietly through the night [and it's taken a long time to reach that point with the littlest ginger!]

I have so much. So much that I should be able to be content! But for the longest time, I wasn't content, I was coveting. I was wanting more in a home. I was searching online real estate listings every day. Why? Because I felt like I was supposed to have more. Because everyone around me has more. I have three kids. In a two bedroom townhouse style condominium. This was not part of our plan. We didn't ever plan to live here this long with this many kids. But we're here.

And it wasn't until I realized that I was coveting that I really began to see my sin. I was refusing to be content with the home that God had given me. So, I began to pray. Pray that I would be thankful and grateful for what I do have. Thankful for the great space that I do have. The safe neighborhood and wonderful people all around me. And I also tried to pray, "No matter where I'm at, my soul is at rest."

In an earlier post I mentioned how I've also been working on surrendering. Surrendering my plans for God's plans. It's crazy how God works, but once I started to really surrender my own plans so that He could use me in His plans, I also began to feel my soul at rest. I started to feel content. I stopped looking at real estate listings. I stopped obsessing over it in my head. I stopped dreaming up ways and places that we could move to. I just stopped and started to appreciate where I am.

And it's amazing! Ever since I started to surrender and feel this peace, God has been working in amazing ways in my life. I've been using our little space for His work. He's got plans for our little family in this little space. It  may not be as big as some other spaces, but God is going to use it for His work and His glory. And isn't that the most important thing? Is't that the goal?

So today, on my 34th birthday, I'm declaring this my year of being content. Content with where I am living. Content with my home. Because God has a plan for this little two bedroom condo and the five people who live here. God is going to do work here. I just need to remain surrendered to Him and His plans and make sure to remind myself that no matter where I'm at, my soul is at rest.